So where does this leave the blog? Well, I hope to take the blog up again like I was doing before. It’s a positive influence in my life, and I think that I have interesting and fun things to share. It also helps exercise my brain because I have to remember things, write them down, organize graphics, and such. It also encourages me to do things, more things than just lay on the couch and feel bad, because writing about that obviously is a wonderful idea.
This especially rears its ugly head when it comes to creativity. That may be part of the problem in getting over my blocks that keep standing in my way. Beyond that though, in day to day life, I STILL think I’m inferior to other people. No matter how far I’ve come I can’t let go the delusion that I’m a deformed little boy. I think; I don’t have personality, I don’t have interests, passions, or hobbies, I don’t have creative spark and inspiration, everything I make is dead in the water, everything I do is boring, nobody’s going to like my game so… why make it?
I’ve been thinking about things for a while, in the times I haven’t posted. I was thinking about how sometimes I get caught up in this idea that I have to do something in order for life to be acceptable. What I mean is, I obsess about doing something, and getting that thing done that I let other things in life go.
I feel depressed a lot, but at the same time… I can be quite happy. Can you be happy and sad at the same time? Some say no, like my partner, but some say yes, like my brother. Sometimes happy things can be sad, and sometimes sad things can be happy. Is it a matter of controlling your emotions… or how you think about your emotions?